Having family members come to sessions

In brief, something I continue to find is that it is extremely helpful for family members to attend sessions.  Please ask your therapist if he or she thinks it would be useful.  Then, make it a clear, strong request.  Family members are often apprehensive.  However, meetings almost always go well and are extremely helpful. 

Building Self-Acceptance

I would like to start a discussion about self-acceptance. I continue to come back to thinking about the importance of this concept.

What is it? I might say that self-acceptance is the ability to unconditionally accept yourself - to value your worth, dignity, and humanity - despite your failings.

How does someone with high unconditional amounts of self-acceptance operate?

Perhaps they:

• Recognize that their core "self" is not the same as their behavior, their habits, their strenghts, or their weaknesses.
• They see themselves as more and deeper and larger than what they think or what they do.
• They see themselves as the context for their experience, not as their experiences.
• They recognize that they are changeable in many ways and have changed over time in many ways, and that they will inevitably change in the future.
• They see that though they may look differently than they used to, that they think differently than they used to, they are also the same in an important way. What is consistent is that "they" have always been there during their experiences. Their awareness is continuous and will be continuous. It is this sense of continuity that some scholars call the "observing self." I quite like this concept.
• People with high self-acceptance also may operate from a stance of compassion for themselves. If they stink at something, they realize that they may need different skills, a different outlook, or that they may not have the natural aptitude for something. However, this does nothing to denigrate their core self.

How do you increase your ability to accept yourself?

Perhaps you could try:

• Acting and thinking as if you had unconditional self-acceptance (what Albert Ellis called USA).
• When you are struggling with something, wondering what skills or attitudes or thought processes you need to improve.
• Focusing on your "resources" and "assets": what you are good at behaviorally, what your strengths are, what comes naturally, what you tend to like.
• Acknowleding to yourself and others what you don't do well, what you don't like, what doesn't come so naturally.
• Recognizing that your strenghts and weaknesses are not the same as "you." You can work towards accepting the reality of where you are now, and simply identifying what you would like to get better at.

I think that if we can work on personal growth from a platform of self-acceptance, things will flow much more easily. If you are working on an issue with a sense of shame and inadequacy overshadowing, then this is likely to gum up the works. It is likely key to deal with the shame first, before you focus on building skills in the problem area.

Much more to say, but there is a start.

I look forward to reading people's comments about self-acceptance and about people's efforts to increase their self-acceptance.

Let me note that the work of psychologist Steve Hayes, Ph.D., has influenced my thoughts about self-acceptance considerably.

What topics would you like to hear my thoughts about?

Please comment on what topics you would like me to cover in this blog. I will make an attempt to address them!

Opening Entry

This is the opening entry for my blog. I hope this to be a resource for my current and former patients/clients, potential clients, and all who might be interested in my thoughts about psychotherapy, coaching, and ways of improving our well-being. Patients, Professionals, and members of the larger community are invited to participate. Please do share your reactions and thoughts. Thanks! Ben